so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
