Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
