they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
