Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
