I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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