so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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