i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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