just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
