He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
