Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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