I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
