Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
