I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
