i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
