You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
