I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
