OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
