Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
