I'm going to jail i love you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
