I cut my penus on the lid.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
