It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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