You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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