Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
