it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
