Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
