So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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