Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
