We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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