This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
