I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
