fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Everyone says I win the strip club
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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