Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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