I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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