Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
