census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
