At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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