i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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