Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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