I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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