New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
