Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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