took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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