This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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