So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
