Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
