She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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