And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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