Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
