Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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