saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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