we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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