You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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